When things are out of control, it's really easy to doubt what God is doing. Come on, you know what I'm talking about. Let's not pretend. It's really easy to praise God when things rock and you can't imagine being happier. It's really difficult sometimes to just trust that everything is really going to be okay when things are really bad.
So, I quit my job today. Yes, I quit. I can't hardly believe it now... but I quit. I did it. It is weird. Anyway, I also cried a lot today. Partly because some things that are going on at work are really unfair. I might be dealing with some legal issues in the near future which makes things a little scary. I also cried because I'm going to miss the kids. Most of the crying was because I was really uncertain with what was going to happen next.
Then, I had a moment when I thought to myself, "Hey, crybaby, stop it! Listen, God has always provided for you in the past, right? Why are you crying?" I realized at that moment that I needed to cut it out. I know that realistically, I'll probably cry some more when I say my goodbyes to the kids on Wednesday and I'll cry out of frustration with the whole mess, but I won't cry anymore about whether or not we are going to be taken care of. Not an option. It's off the table.
I can look back and reflect on the past and see so many places where God has provided for me when I didn't know where the next provision would come from. When I started living on my own, God provided a place for me to stay. When I didn't always have enough money for groceries, a meal would practically fall out of the sky. When we wanted (not needed) to buy a house, we walked right into a super steal. When we left a ministry that was very near and dear to us, but painful at the same time, He gave us a new church family to do life with. At the time, He also gave me a full-time job that seemed to just fall into my lap. When Austin's car kicked the bucket, He provided a nicer car than we were looking for within our price range.
I am choosing to look ahead and focus on what is true and what is real. God is real. God is good. He will always be good even if things around me are not. He will always have a plan even if the next steps are invisible to me. My prayer is that I'll see the unseen more clearly and that through my life others will see that God is still good no matter how bad things are.
Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.--James 1:17
My life will change, my circumstances will change, but God never changes. He is always the same and I can count on Him to provide for me as I need it. His desires for my life are perfect.
God is still good, even in the midst of the tears.
