In Elizabeth's shoes...

Lately, I've been holding onto something.  It hasn't been our ministry situation... I'm totally happy with where God has placed us (I'm actually more than happy about how He is allowing us to serve).  It hasn't been finances, although at times money is really tight.  It hasn't been my job situation... God has provided the perfect job opportunity for this time in my life.  I have already freely given all of those things up to Him.  I wasn't holding on to any of them and totally trusting that He had it under control.

You know how you can be gripping onto something and it takes someone else bringing it to your attention for you to let go (or start to)?  I didn't realize until today that I had some unfinished business with God...

John Fuller spoke this morning on "Waiting When God Seems Silent."  Later on this week, please go to http://www.prairielakeschurch.org/media-center/default.aspx and listen to the message (it is usually posted mid-week).  It is worth your time, without a doubt.

John spoke on the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth in Luke 1.  As he spoke, he made several good points that I agreed with.  They were...
1-God does not believe in coincidences.
2-God is not compelled to be on our timetable.
3-God does not play cruel games with people.
4-God isn't controlled by my behavior. (I added this one because I thought it was important.)

He also talked about why we can have trouble hearing God, which I totally understood and was on the same page with.  He reminded us that sometimes unconfessed sin, wrong motives, or just being self-centered can make it difficult to hear from Him.

Then, he made some points about waiting well.  That's when it hit me between the eyes.
1-Don't let "the wait" become God.
2-See beyond "my story" and see our place in His story.
3-Sacrifice my dreams for God's dreams.
4-Keep praying and stay faithful.

It's been awhile now, but at one point we let "the wait" become God.  We were obsessed with ovulation calendars, LH tests, basal temps, fertility drugs.  Our schedule was dictated by trying to get pregnant.  After several fertility treatments and a miscarriage later, we realized how much our lives had been consumed by wanting a baby so badly.  We had lost touch with friends, each other, and most importantly--our God!  That's when we felt God calling us to renew our commitment to Him and let go of all of the baby drama.  By doing that, we also renewed our commitment to each other and our marriage has been so much healthier ever since.

When John got to #3 above, it really hit me hard--sacrifice my dreams for God's dreams.  We love our lives right now.  We are loving where God has placed us and where He is taking us, but I have been holding onto this "want" of having a child.  It hasn't consumed our lives, but I realized today that I've been holding this grudge against God.  I've been struggling with His plan for me.  There are days when I feel like I'm totally okay with it and then there are days that I just hang on to it too tightly.  I struggle because I am reminded of it daily.  Having kids is just a normal part of the conversation.

Are you married?  How long have you been married?  When are you having kids?  Oh, you can't have kids?  Have you tried x, y, or z fertility treatments?  My friend tried this, you should try this.  Why isn't it working for you?  What's wrong with you?  Is it you or him that is the problem?  Would you ever adopt?  When will you adopt?  What kind of adoption do you want to have?

During these conversations, it is really easy to throw a pity party for myself or even get mad at God.  I also work at a daycare and see several kids that need good parents.  In those situations, I am reminded of how things don't always seem fair.  Today, I was reminded that even though God seems silent to me in this situation, that He hears my prayers.

Luke 1:13a--But the angel said to him: "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard..."

This verse reminds me that Zechariah and Elizabeth had to wait a LONG time.  Much longer than I have even had to wait.  Having a son didn't fit into their timetable the way that they had imagined.  Years had passed, they had given up hope of having a child because they were old.  God remembered their prayers and knew their hearts and gave them a son on His timetable.  How awesome is it that the God of the universe takes the time to hear our prayers... even from years ago?!


Through this message today, God is challenging me to wait well.  He has helped me to wait well through a lot of other major life changes recently.  I have to let this go and give it up to Him, too.  I have to wait well in this situation--with His help and in His time.  I have to trust that His plan is sovereign over all of my hopes and dreams and plans.  I also have to remember what His plan is and that it is all about what He is doing with me for His glory!

Romans 8:28--And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

This verse brings me hope and encouragement.  I am encouraged that when God works in His time and according to His plan, my circumstances are what is best for me.  That doesn't mean that they are easy or great, but that means that He will use them for good.  I just need to be on board and listen for Him to speak... and listen for Him to tell me what is next.

I need to wait well, like Elizabeth.

At some point we realized the immensity of God...

Lately, I've been wrestling something... I've been looking for the words that aren't there.  I open my mouth and I feel like nothing intelligent comes out.  If you know anything about my recent experience, you may find yourself in the same situation, if you were in my shoes.  It is hard to simply answer the question: "Why did you leave the church you were serving at?"  There are a lot of layers to the situation.  Sometimes I just tell people that it was messy and we needed to leave.  I'll tell others that there were major sin issues and the leadership was allowing it to continue.  I've also said that the vision that God gave us (my husband and I) for ministry didn't match the vision of the church leaders.  All of those things are true, but my husband recently ran across an excerpt from the book The Contemplative Pastor by Eugene Peterson that describes it better than I ever could.

Being a pastor who satisfies a congregation is one of the easiest jobs on the face of the earth--if we are satisfied with satisfying congregations. The hours are good, the pay is adequate, the prestige considerable. Why don't we find it easy? Why aren't we content with it?

Because we set out to do something quite different. We set out to risk our lives in a venture of faith. We committed ourselves to a life of holiness. At some point we realized the immensity of God and of the great invisibles that socket into our arms and legs, into bread and wine, into our brains and our tools, into mountains and rivers, giving them meaning, destiny, value, joy, beauty, salvation.

You see, I could have easily continued to be the worship director.  I could have gone around and asked, "What do you prefer?  How can I make you comfortable?  What do you want to hear on a Sunday morning?"  Instead, the vision that God gave us for ministry was so much bigger than ourselves.  It was bigger than our wants, needs, or even our preferences.  It was bigger than all of our opinions combined.

It was bigger because it was all about Him.  Our vision for ministry was all about what God wanted.  We asked God what was on His heart and He started to tell us.  He wanted true, genuine worship.  He wanted all of us, not just the pieces that we were willing to give up when it fit into our schedule.  He wanted excellence.  He wanted uninhibited worship--not worship that was designed to impress or fit the latest mold that we placed around it.  He wanted His Spirit to be free to work in us.  He wanted us to label our lives with Him.  He wanted us to live our lives as worship to Him.  He wanted us to bring the lost home.

As we began to receive this vision, we began to get excited.  We began to envision how our church would display it.  We also began to hit a solid wall when we presented it to the leadership.  We knew that our hearts were beating evenly with the Lord's, but when we talked to others about our vision, it was like many of them were flat-lining.  If they weren't completely unaware of the work that God was doing, they were too afraid to go against the tide.  We told more and more people about the vision and more and more people stared at us blankly.  More and more people kept saying, "Well that's not how we've ever done it... Our church will never go for anything like that."  Every excuse that we got was laced with fear of the past or fear of a certain group of people or fear of the unknown.

After much fear, excuse, ongoing sin issues, gossip, slander, and dead-in-the-water leadership, we were finally released from that ministry.  There was a definite day when we felt like the Lord released us from this prison.  We had been fighting it for months.  We had been praying and expectantly waiting for the "go ahead," while we continued to serve as if we were never planning on leaving.  Our hearts continue to ache for those people, but God has released us into a place that is walking in step with His vision.

When it really comes down to it, whether you are volunteering or on staff in any ministry, you need to make a choice.  Do you want to serve God's purposes or man's purposes?  The rewards are much different for each choice.  If you choose to serve the praise of man, the approval, the adoration, the popularity, the title... your reward is temporary.  It will waste away.  If you choose to serve the heart of the Father, the leading of the Spirit, the example of Jesus, a life that actually matters past this earth... your reward is eternal.  It lasts forever.  It will never perish or waste away.

I truly believe that each leader, follower, disciple of Christ needs to make the choice.  Whose opinion matters in your life?  Whose desires are you seeking?  Whose purpose will you serve?

It's a big decision.  If you make the right choice, it will cost you something... but what you give up will be totally worth it.