In Elizabeth's shoes...

Lately, I've been holding onto something.  It hasn't been our ministry situation... I'm totally happy with where God has placed us (I'm actually more than happy about how He is allowing us to serve).  It hasn't been finances, although at times money is really tight.  It hasn't been my job situation... God has provided the perfect job opportunity for this time in my life.  I have already freely given all of those things up to Him.  I wasn't holding on to any of them and totally trusting that He had it under control.

You know how you can be gripping onto something and it takes someone else bringing it to your attention for you to let go (or start to)?  I didn't realize until today that I had some unfinished business with God...

John Fuller spoke this morning on "Waiting When God Seems Silent."  Later on this week, please go to http://www.prairielakeschurch.org/media-center/default.aspx and listen to the message (it is usually posted mid-week).  It is worth your time, without a doubt.

John spoke on the story of Zechariah and Elizabeth in Luke 1.  As he spoke, he made several good points that I agreed with.  They were...
1-God does not believe in coincidences.
2-God is not compelled to be on our timetable.
3-God does not play cruel games with people.
4-God isn't controlled by my behavior. (I added this one because I thought it was important.)

He also talked about why we can have trouble hearing God, which I totally understood and was on the same page with.  He reminded us that sometimes unconfessed sin, wrong motives, or just being self-centered can make it difficult to hear from Him.

Then, he made some points about waiting well.  That's when it hit me between the eyes.
1-Don't let "the wait" become God.
2-See beyond "my story" and see our place in His story.
3-Sacrifice my dreams for God's dreams.
4-Keep praying and stay faithful.

It's been awhile now, but at one point we let "the wait" become God.  We were obsessed with ovulation calendars, LH tests, basal temps, fertility drugs.  Our schedule was dictated by trying to get pregnant.  After several fertility treatments and a miscarriage later, we realized how much our lives had been consumed by wanting a baby so badly.  We had lost touch with friends, each other, and most importantly--our God!  That's when we felt God calling us to renew our commitment to Him and let go of all of the baby drama.  By doing that, we also renewed our commitment to each other and our marriage has been so much healthier ever since.

When John got to #3 above, it really hit me hard--sacrifice my dreams for God's dreams.  We love our lives right now.  We are loving where God has placed us and where He is taking us, but I have been holding onto this "want" of having a child.  It hasn't consumed our lives, but I realized today that I've been holding this grudge against God.  I've been struggling with His plan for me.  There are days when I feel like I'm totally okay with it and then there are days that I just hang on to it too tightly.  I struggle because I am reminded of it daily.  Having kids is just a normal part of the conversation.

Are you married?  How long have you been married?  When are you having kids?  Oh, you can't have kids?  Have you tried x, y, or z fertility treatments?  My friend tried this, you should try this.  Why isn't it working for you?  What's wrong with you?  Is it you or him that is the problem?  Would you ever adopt?  When will you adopt?  What kind of adoption do you want to have?

During these conversations, it is really easy to throw a pity party for myself or even get mad at God.  I also work at a daycare and see several kids that need good parents.  In those situations, I am reminded of how things don't always seem fair.  Today, I was reminded that even though God seems silent to me in this situation, that He hears my prayers.

Luke 1:13a--But the angel said to him: "Do not be afraid, Zechariah; your prayer has been heard..."

This verse reminds me that Zechariah and Elizabeth had to wait a LONG time.  Much longer than I have even had to wait.  Having a son didn't fit into their timetable the way that they had imagined.  Years had passed, they had given up hope of having a child because they were old.  God remembered their prayers and knew their hearts and gave them a son on His timetable.  How awesome is it that the God of the universe takes the time to hear our prayers... even from years ago?!


Through this message today, God is challenging me to wait well.  He has helped me to wait well through a lot of other major life changes recently.  I have to let this go and give it up to Him, too.  I have to wait well in this situation--with His help and in His time.  I have to trust that His plan is sovereign over all of my hopes and dreams and plans.  I also have to remember what His plan is and that it is all about what He is doing with me for His glory!

Romans 8:28--And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

This verse brings me hope and encouragement.  I am encouraged that when God works in His time and according to His plan, my circumstances are what is best for me.  That doesn't mean that they are easy or great, but that means that He will use them for good.  I just need to be on board and listen for Him to speak... and listen for Him to tell me what is next.

I need to wait well, like Elizabeth.