Glad I stuck around...

On Sunday, I got the privilege of filling in on the PLC Waterloo team.  I hadn't been there yet and didn't quite know what to expect.  I got there bright and early at 6 a.m. and got to see the whole thing unfold.  If you haven't witnessed the brilliance of Portable Church Industries, you are missing out.  Hoover took on a transformation that was quick and well executed within a couple of hours.

Anyway, after everything was all set up, we rehearsed the music a few times, then got set for run-thru.  After we finished with the worship set, we were talking about how to do the transition from the video that they were going to show into what Ron was going to say.  Jon said to me, "This video will make you cry."  I figured that it'd be good for me to watch it so that I wasn't blindsided by it during the service.

Normally, when someone tells me that a video will make me cry, I get a little misty.  I think there is something about not completely relating to someone's life experience but feeling empathy for them instead.  Most people feel empathy when they watch the news or see horrific things unfold that do not directly effect them.  Now, there are other times when even a tiny slice of someone's story can make an old wound fresh in your heart again and bring you back to the fresh emotions you experienced when you first received that wound.

As I watched the video "99 Balloons" this happened to me.  I tried to keep it in, keep composed, not make a big deal out of it... but as I continued to watch, my bottom lip started to quiver and I couldn't hold the tears back any longer.  I felt so bad for the family.  I do not know what it is like to carry a child to full term and give birth, but I do know what it is like to be pregnant and be excited for the arrival of a child.  After many months of treatments and heartache, we finally were pregnant and everything seemed to be going well, then we were immediately dealing with a miscarriage.  In this case I could sympathize more than empathize.  Losing a child is terrible, no matter what stage they are in.

When the video was over, I went outside to cry it out.  I was starting to wonder if I would be a help or a distraction at the end of the service.  I wanted to do what they needed me to do, but I didn't know if I could watch that video again.  I went back and forth and back and forth and the Spirit whispered to me, "I'll use you in that moment.  Be obedient."  Then it hit me, if I fold to what I am feeling, I am surrendering to my own comfort.  I am not thinking of anyone else but myself.

Believe it or not, this is honestly the first time I've ever had to deal with that in the context of leading worship/being involved on a worship team.  I've lead worship when things around me were completely falling apart, but I've never had to lead in a moment when I felt like I was breaking on the inside.  Even when we went through the miscarriage, I took 3 or 4 weeks off and let someone else lead.  Sure, I was sad and aching after that, but the pain was no longer fresh and I had time to deal with it by the time I returned to leading.

So... the worship set went really well.  And the message was great.  Then, came time for the video.  I had been praying through most of the message that God would take this burden from me and if not, that He would allow me to lean on Him to get through the video and the last part of the service.  Leaning... leaning... leaning... God I am leaning on You!  That was pretty much my thought process as we stood backstage, ready to wrap up the service.

The video was almost finished... leaning... I plugged into my aviom... leaning... the video was concluding... Lord, help me get through this... we started to play... God, be glorified in this moment... Ron challenged people to ask, "God, why did this happen to me?"... God, touch people's hearts, let them be open to You.  Let them be brutally honest... Ron prayed... God let people have no fear about coming forward.  Move mightily through these people...

And then it happened, people that I knew needed Jesus or needed healing started to come forward and place their questions on the board.  Some that I never thought I'd see up front for any purpose.  I started to get teary again, but this time it was because God was working in that moment.

I'm so glad I stuck around.

Thank you God for using me in my weakness.

What I got from my Facebook fast...

I decided to fast from Facebook for approximately 10 days. I am a definite Facebook addict and was convicted that I needed to take a break in order to prepare myself for Easter weekend. Briefly, this is a summary of what I got from it...

My prayer life increased and was more focused... I started praying more often. I thought that I prayed a lot throughout the day before, but during this time, I was in much more conversation with God than I have been for awhile. God also started bringing specific individuals to my mind to pray for... people I wouldn't have normally thought to pray for.

I walked around with the blinders off... As I drove or went to get groceries or just carried out my daily activities, I was more aware of strangers and what kind of day they might be having. I struck up more random conversations with people than normal. I sensed when people needed me to pray for them, even though I didn't know them.

I thought more about the lost... I wondered more about whether people were going to heaven or not. I found myself, sitting at a red light, watching cars drive by in the cross-traffic, looking at their faces and wondering if they knew Jesus.  I wondered about the guy who walks his dog in front of our house around 4 p.m. every day.  I wondered about the mailman.  I wondered about some of my neighbors, who I've only had a few short conversations with.

I could think more clearly... as I backed away from Facebook and some media type things that distract me, I felt like a cloud had been lifted from my head. I found myself pondering what God is doing with my life more than usual. I could also hear Him more clearly.

I was more sensitive to the Spirit... I could hear the Spirit "whisper" to me much more clearly than before. He also whispered more often.

I was able to be part of something much greater than myself... when Easter weekend rolled around, I was ready to hear from God and be used by Him!  It started off with an amazing night of worship and reflection on the cross at the Good Friday service.  God showed up big time.  The Spirit ambushed us!  The momentum didn't quit.  God continued to move and change people throughout the services on Saturday and Sunday.  As I look back on it all, I am still in awe and definitely humbled to know that He chose me to be a part of it.  He didn't have to choose me.  He didn't need me, but He used me anyway!

I have fasted before, and experienced a greater closeness with God, but never have I seen Him move in the way He did this weekend!  Amazing!