This is the rough draft I sent in for the Inspired booklet for the May meeting of worship and production volunteers at PLC... We are reading Heart of the Artist by Rory Noland and will be discussing the chapter on jealousy and envy.
Has anyone ever quoted Psalm 37:4 to you when things weren't exactly going your way?
Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Instantly, you wonder, “Is this person accusing me of not spending time with the Lord? How do they know what is going on with me? How dare them!” Then, the I-deserve-it's kick in... “I work hard, I've practiced, I spend more time preparing than anyone else, I want it more, I, I, I...” and the list goes on and on. Then, you just want to punch that person in the teeth for being so helpful.
Let me tell you about a time when this happened to me.
Many of you probably don't know this about Austin and me, but we are unable to have kids without a ton of medical intervention. It has taken us on quite the emotional rollercoaster throughout our marriage. A few years ago, after several failed treatments, we had a successful pregnancy for about 10 weeks. Then, it was over.
To say it was difficult, is an understatement. We deeply desired to be parents. We really wanted to be able to hold a healthy child that was ours. We didn't want to go through any more treatments. We were so ready to have a family! At times, I think it is fair to say that we reasoned that we deserved to be parents. Out of that reasoning, it was so easy to jump to the conclusion that it was God's will for us, when in reality, it wasn't.
During that time, someone quoted Psalm 37:4 to me and it made me feel so inadequate and small. It did this because of the way it was said to me and it seems like no one ever remembers or mentions verse 5 (NLT) in that passage:
Commit everything you do to the Lord. Trust him, and he will help you.
The desire verse 4 talks about is not our desire, but God's desire for our lives. If we lose sight of what God desires for us, sometimes we reason that we are entitled to certain things. We even go as far as to say that we believe that it is God's will for us, when deep down inside, it's really what we want for ourselves, despite His plan.
When we start thinking like this, it can be dangerous. We can start to envy what someone else has and our vision for God's plan starts to become cloudy until we are completely ineffective in the Kingdom.
After we mourned, we made an intentional effort to spend time with young children in the church we were attending. We let a couple go on a trip for the weekend, by watching their two youngsters. We had a 2 year old join us for lunch one day so that his mom could have a much needed nap. We loved on kids that had stressed out parents that needed a break. We entertained two middle school kids for an evening so that their dad, who was home on military leave, could have a romantic date with their mom. Why am I telling you all of these things?
When we were not getting what we desired, we were tempted to throw a pity party for ourselves and wallow in the thought that God wasn't giving us what we wanted. It seemed like everyone else had kids and we could have envied them and allowed it to consume us. Instead, we acted in a way that reflected God's desire. We were able to show love to children that needed it and our hearts were so full in return. If we would have kept looking inward at our hurt instead of outward to His plan, we would have missed these opportunities to minister to these kids.
When you stop envying what other people have and start looking at what God wants for you, your heart will always be full and your focus will always be in the right place.
If you are struggling with envy in the area of serving in the worship ministry, I encourage you to take some time to ask God what He wants for you. Put your list of wants aside and ask Him to make you a new one, a better one.
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